Which fellowship should I join?

When someone wants to join a 12-step fellowship for alcoholism, they join AA (Alcoholics Anonymous).

When they want to join a program to help with various drug addictions, they join NA (Narcotics Anonymous).

When they want to join a program to help with eating disorders, they join OA (Overeaters Anonymous).

When they want to join a program to help with sex addiction, they join SA (Sexaholics Anonymous).  Or do they join SCA (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous)? Or do they join SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)?  Or do they join SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous)?  Maybe they join more than one.  Maybe they attend open AA meetings instead.  Maybe they join a Christian program like Celebrate Recovery which combines the teachings of the Bible with the steps and principles of AA to work on all addictive behavior (N.b.: This is a non-denominational program founded by a Protestant pastor, John Baker, of Saddleback Church).

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“They confessed their lust” Susanna Part 2

They said to each other, “Let us go home, for it is mealtime.” And when they went out, they parted from each other. But turning back, they met again; and when each pressed the other for the reason, they confessed their lust. And then together they arranged for a time when they could find her alone.” – Daniel 13:13-14

In SAA, it takes only two people and one share to make a meeting.  The meeting between the two judges was definitely not an SAA meeting.

Rather than confessing their lust and repenting of it, rending their garments and covering themselves in ashes, they conspired together.  These wicked men were willing to share her in raping her.

It’s a poorly kept secret that sometimes twelve-step meetings, including S groups, are places that people meet for sex.  I have heard AA members refer to joining an S group as the “13th step” since they learn, through all their AA hook-ups, that the alcohol is merely masking their sex addiction.

S meetings often have a disclaimer that says something like, “meetings are not the place to find a sexual partner.”  It is also advised that you do not choose a sponsor to whom you are sexually attracted.

Earlier in the chapter we read that the judges were full of shame.  Instead of bearing their shame to one another, they buried it.  If we do not bear our shame to one another at our meetings, they can become a dangerous place that lead us to act out rather than recover.

To avoid this, we must commit ourselves to rigorous honesty.  We must be willing to be introspective and find our character defects so that God can remove them, and we must then share them at our meetings and in the Sacrament of Confession!

Are you a sex addict?

I have updated the self-assessment page and reprinted the content below. I highly recommend reading my 7 questions in conjunction with the self-assessments at Sex Addicts Anonymous or Sexhelp.com.

Sex addicts commonly answer yes to one or more of the 7 questions below.  If you even lean towards saying yes one any of the questions below, consider getting help.  Many of us start out in extreme denial.  Don’t hold back from yourself.

  1. Do you ever feel like your sexual behavior is “out of control”?  Do you want to stop but feel like you’re unable to?
  2. Have you ever made a promise to yourself that you would stop a behavior, only to break it?  Has this become a cycle?
  3. Do you keep your behavior a secret?  Are you careful to clear your browser history, or do you lie about where you’ve been?
  4. Does your behavior violate your personal beliefs or values?  Do you feel guilt or shame afterwards? Are you afraid people at work, church, or school will find out?
  5. Are your behaviors illegal? Do you fear getting caught by the police? Do you continue the behavior in spite of your fear?
  6. Do the things that used to satisfy you fail to satisfy you now? Do you need to engage in more extreme or riskier behaviors to reach the same level of satisfaction?
  7. Do you ever seek to avoid sex altogether? Do you “swear off” sex, only to return to your old behavior? Do you have a “binge and purge” pattern of engaging in undesirable behavior, obsessively or compulsively avoiding all sex, then returning to your undesirable behavior? Do you replace your sexual behaviors with other problematic behaviors such as excessive drinking, eating, drug use, gambling, spending, etc.?

What makes something an addiction is compulsivity.  If you are trying to stop, but can’t, or if you are doing things you know you shouldn’t, or if you try replacing one problem with another, that is a strong indicator you might be an addict.  Now is the time to seek help through a twelve-step fellowship or Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT).