“I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus, Matthew 5:28
Sexaholics Anonymous seeks to remove lust from the mind of the addict. Other groups say this is an unrealistic goal.
I think that both views are correct, to an extent.
Removal of lust, that is, inordinate sexual desire, sexual fantasy outside of marriage, fantasy for fantasy’s sake, or adultery of the mind; is most certainly a good thing. Lust serves to objectify others, including our spouse. For the addict, it can easily become a form of escapism, preferred over intimacy with another.
Yet, insofar as sexual desire is natural, so is lust, but natural sexual desire isn’t really lust, is it?
Thoughts are difficult, if not impossible at times, to control. Sometimes we can will thoughts out of our minds, but other times they won’t leave no matter how many times we click our heels together, just ask any PTSD sufferer.
Removal of lust must be a goal, but not our primary focus. If we work on recovery in other ways, the lust will diminish in time.
Here are 5 things you can start doing today :
- Go to a meeting. It can be face-to-face, by phone, or online. Interact with the people who understand you best.
- Get some exercise. Go for a walk, go to your gym, or do jumping jacks. Do something.
- Call up an old friend. Relationships are essential to recovery.
- Call your mother (or some other close family member). Our relationship with family is the second most important one we have. Don’t call to reopen old wounds. Rather, call someone you’re on good terms with. Step nine, not now, is the time for those often painful amends.
- Spend five minutes (or more) in prayer. This is your most important relationship. When did you last speak to your Father in Heaven? He’s waiting to hear from you, even if you don’t know what to say. Just be with Him.